On The Slab

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Saturday, April 1, 2006

Where I went next…

Two years ago, when I looked back on my life, somtimes it seemed it was pretty much all hurt, despair and intolerable misery.

Looking back on my life now however, Im able again to see there were many many good times after each bad time.

Which can only mean I suppose, that when I go through a bad times, I need to remind myself that the last time I went through a bad time, somthing good, or even great, did happen when I got through the bad.

Things that, at the time, I couldnt ever have even considered being possibilities for me, some of them, became possibilities, some even happened!

There was a point in my life, one inparticular, when I was so hurting, so stunned, so shellshocked, so tired…. and so very very scared, mainly of living, that I thought “this is it, its over, there is no more of anything”… there is no more of me, I’ve lost everything I loved, and I can’t exist without it.
I truly couldnt see a future even being possible for me.

Now, Im living the future I didnt (couldnt) see.

There was no majik path to living through things, no method and lots of madness, it just seems to happen by itself, in a hazy blur at times, but if you let it, it does.

These days,
I can say I’m happy, content, and amazingly, beginning to learn about what life means again.

I miss what I lost, and I know I always will, more deeply than is explainable in words, but Im so happy I have lived what I lived since, and also, found what I have found since. More happiness.

So, all I can say is, to anyone out there who finds themselves suddenly lost, whether in life, love, or yourself,….. there is a future, I’m living proof, and so will you be.

)) ((

posted by Barry at 10:53 am  


  1. Barry, thanks. I hope that some day I’ll be ready and that future will be there waiting for me.

    - Paul

    Comment by Paul — April 3, 2006 @ 6:03 am

  2. You will, and so will it.
    In your own time.
    Look after you first, a chara,

    Comment by Barry — April 9, 2006 @ 12:38 am

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