On The Slab

Finding My Feet - WWW.SEATLIFE.COM (The new address for this blog!)

Monday, July 31, 2006

Opening minds and eyes….technology at work in a good way……


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Quite often these days, I find myself contemplating the “power” of the internet.

It has the power to improve lives, and it has the power to ruin lives.
It has the power of enabling communication, and yet it is also very easy to mis-understand typed-text.
It gives some people experiences they would have missed and yet it can also be boring as hell.
It can bring people together or tear them apart.

Often what we hear or read about “the internet” can be portrayed in a very bad light, but….
in so many ways, it sounds like just normal “life” to me.

I guess the nets no different to real life in so many ways that its easy to get caught up in it, thinking, feeling, living via a screen and a keyboard (all us geeks have been there lets face it! ;) ).

But I also think it has one HUGE bonus………

I think, as people, in “real life”, somtimes we find it difficult to see whats right in front of our eyes from time to time.
We dont have the luxury of having what happens right there on the screen, and if we did, would we feel the same emotional response?
I think some of us do, I think there are people who dont see text, or some unknown entity talking, I firmly believe, despite popular opinion that some of us can actually communicate over this net of ours in a positive and constructive, and yes, emotional way.

So many people in my life I have met initially online, or at least communicated with via the internet at one point or another, have become people I consider my closest friends.

For example, a perfect example, my sister Elaine,….
There was so much about her I had almost “forgotten” or just plain did’nt know.
I think now, these days, I feel closer to her than I ever realised.
I actually feel like she is an extremely close friend as well as my sister.
Forgotten things can be said in the time it takes to turn on a computer, things we mean to see or say but for one reason or another forgot to talk about, or never had a chance to.
For instance, she recently posted about how difficult a life she thinks I have had, and I told her that I actually truly believe lifes been a lot harder for her than it has for me.

Thats somthing I had meant and wanted to tell her for years, but somhow never did. Which is my own fault, its somthing I should have told her long long ago.
More than anything else, I cant help feeling and hoping that the net has played a role in me finally saying that.

In these quiet moments, when we are reading our words, ant the words of others, we can do it at our own pace, never having to worry about coming up with somthing “on the spot” that often comes out wrong somhow in the hustle and bustle of verbal communication.

My other sister, has her own blog these days so we can see the things that often arent said.
My parents read these things and maybe learn a bit more about the people we are now, as opposed to still being kids in their eyes.

And I myself have met the man of my dreams, who I would probably never have met if it was’nt for miles of fibre optic cable running under and over the vast sea’s and lands of this planet.
And, had it not been for him, we would never have shared this familly experience in the first place, when I think about it.

A perfect example of how the internet can change an entire familly in such a positive way.

posted by Barry at 6:59 pm  

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Soul-Happy


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A lot of things in life make me wonderfully happy.

I’m a lucky man, I am surrounded by people I love, who for some reason think I’m worthy of their love in return.
Im happy with where I am in life, yes there are things I wish and dream of, but in general, I’m happier than I have been in almost a decade.
The problem with being so soul-happy, is that the things that you might have not noticed before become heart-wrenchingly apparent.

For instance, seeing somone who you love, going through somthing that hurts them.

Whether that be a health problem, not knowing how amazing a person they are, or worrying about where their next meal is coming from.
I dont have to look too far to see somone, somone I love, who truly does’nt realise how special they are. How amazing they are to everyone surrounding them, just does’nt register in their minds, and it can be the most mystifying thing in the world, and also the most upsetting at times.

But, somwhere, somhow, I know they can get through it, I know they both have the personal strenght, that “aura” you see everytime you look into their eyes.

Karen & Noah, both of you are loved, adored & respected for who you both are and what you both can do and have done. And both of you, no matter what, are always on my mind, every second of every day.

I know this is a difficult time for you both, and just know, I’m here, I have two big shoulders to lean on, and two big arms to hug.

b

posted by Barry at 7:37 pm  

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Rain, we need rain, please gawds just give us some rain!!!


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Well,…
She seems a bit more “flaked out” today, probably down to the heat, it is like a sauna in here. (I keep putting ice in her water just to make sure shes cool) :)

Long day today, went (window) shopping but left after a few hours as we were both not feeling up to much & my guy needed to lie down.

Think Ill follow his lead tonight, wow the first time in ages Ill be in bed *before* midnight!!

b

posted by Barry at 11:37 pm  

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Ooops! We have a typo!


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Well, we are now a household of three!

A new member of the familly arrived yesterday, her name is Typo! ;0)

This little girl has to be seen to be believed!
When shes not “cooing” like a pidgeon shes puurrrring like a generator!
I’ve never ever met such an affectionate kitty!
Which is amazing really, this tiny girl was made have THREE litters of kittens before she came to us, she is so tiny Im amazed she made it. Now shes neutered and vax’d. her bad times are over, its all good from here. ;)
She is a little calico girl who spends every waking moment looking for rubs and purring like a generator.
Im sure if purs could generate electricity she could power the national grid and then some!

This little bundle of fur and purrs arrived to us via Jan at our local rescue center, thanks Jan, charlotte, miriam and everyone else involved, these people do amazing work with no government funding, if you can, please support them. They and their furry charges deserve it. Even a little makes a difference. (25 dollars or approx 20 euro, will feed a kitten for 8 weeks in rescue!!)

Heres a pic of our new arrival and you can bet you will her a LOT more about her over the next few days / months / years! :) Our little girl! :)

posted by Barry at 4:17 am  

Friday, July 21, 2006

Wiped forhead with cold cloth……..


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damn its too warm, hottest day in a decade for this country apparently.

That is all, fingers sore.

b

posted by Barry at 1:52 am  

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Time Vs. Tide…


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I can understand that its impossible for anyone else to understand 100% what somone else is going through at any given moment.
Somone living with somone who is going through somthing see’s a lot more and therefore understands a lot more, as it is in their face on a daily basis. And whether or not you are happy about that, you have little choice in the matter.

However, others -no matter how close they are to a person, have no choice but to make assumptions based on what they are being told.
Often, its very difficult for somone to tell others, no matter how close, who dont actually reside with you, every detail of how you feel.
The in’s and outs of why you cannot answer the phone today, the bits an peices of pain that when added together stop you from having a “good day”. The reasons you “just can’t do that today”.
Often because you don’t want to upset or worry them. Even if it means you are taking on an extra burden in keeping some things to yourself, thats fine. When you can.
Human beings have a funny quirk that runs through us all, while we have somone, the image, the personality of that person that we each see as being current, is normally based upon our fondest memory of him / her, about when we were proudest, happiest and most thankfull for that person in our lives, the future, that we try not to imagine all that much.

And then that same future actually arrives for that person.

And as him the NOW him, you want them to think you are still the same person they have in their minds, the person who could afford to take chances and live on the edge, the person who had no problem doing things that anyone else could or would do, the person they love unconditionally and always will. But you dont want to show your failings (who would?), you dont want to show the things that most people would find hard to understand, whether out of pride or just simple embarrassment.

The problem arises I suppose, when the things you have kept back, become things that you now can no longer hide, and have an effect on their idea of who you are, Im not talking about the way you are inside, Im talking about your new limits, the NOW you, and you must try to understand how difficult it is for them to adjust to that after a lifetime of somthing else, I suppose.
Yes, its part of the ageing process, but, I do think its different for a non-physically disabled person, a person with a disability,  who’s life has been spent celebrating their abilities and trying hard to ignore what the person cannot do. When the cannot-do’’s become more obvious, or change, as they normally would with circumstance, I suppose it is difficult to understand for somone who has been looking-in for a long time.
A difficult balance to strike in any situation I know, but I can’t help wondering, how to make it balance properly, or indeed, if it ever can.
b
.

posted by Barry at 5:05 am  

Saturday, July 15, 2006

The man who taught me how to smile again….


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Well, we’ve been together here six months today!

Six months- Half a year, goddess it so dose’nt seem that long, and in many ways it seems longer!
I feel like there was never a point when he was’nt here, this last six months have made the rest of the years melt away and start over in a way than I couldnt explain with a million words and years at my disposal.

He is so much more amazing that I could ever hope to be able to put into words……. let me count just some (a few of many, hell, just read my familly’s posts) of the ways he has affected the lives of me and those around us…….

1- He loves me, and he tells me, and I can tell him, without fear of ridicule, and with no doubt that either of us means it.
2- I love him, in ways I didnt think were possible to feel, life & soul bonded is the only way I can describe it.
3- He has helped my entire familly communicate more than any of us ever have before, and we have learnt things about ourselves that we never would have known without him being here. And he loves them all, completely and without exception.
4- He is the best friend I never thought I would have.
5- He is patient, generous and kind, loving, tender and understanding, amazingly soulfull, intelligent and trail-blazing, everything he tries he masters on a scale that to most of us is stunning, even though he rarely sees it that way… Things go through that bald head that Stephen Hawking, Einstein, Bill Gates and Da.Vinci would be amazed by. And he never sees it.(Im working on changing that, its the only thing about him I would ever change).
6- I love him, like I have never loved before, like I didnt think it was possible to love this way.
7- He knows what I mean when I say “ditto”.
8- He knows what I mean when I say random words that are’nt what they were supposed to be, for instance, I often have a momentary synaptic misfire when the name of an object will vanish from my head, and instead of saying “I’m going to get my glass” Ill say “I’m going to get my.. thing”…… he always sees the humour and knows what I mean, and smiling, he never ridicules me. (And godess knows there are many things he could over lol) ;)

What more can I say, I love him, and Im very very lucky,… I got to fall in love with my best friend, he’s been my best friend for nine years, and even now, after being with me for half a year, being madly in love with eachother, we are still best friends.

I love you Noah. :) :o )

))))))))))))Nlg((((((((((((

YOUR,

B

posted by Barry at 5:06 am  

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

wheee! Ill never sleep againnnn!


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Im in heaven, two of my favourite drinks combined!
It tastes amazing, im hooked! :)

Been trying it a few weeks now, damn, im luvvin it. (no extra caffeine to speak of, but tastes great).
Now, when Coca-cola Blak comes out, ill bet ill be rather fond of it too, (has more caffeine too!)

*drool*

b

posted by Barry at 11:42 pm  

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Wheel of death.


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I went around to our (extremely dodgy) local off-licience tonight for ciggs as we had overslept and everywhere else was shut.

This particular pub is known for being one of the biggest dives in Dublin.

After getting grabbed, poked and nearly vomited on, by the drunks inside, I finally reach the top of the queue and get my precious purchase, then I go outside to see said drunks falling into their cars and trying to drive home.

As they vanish into whatever direction they are driving, I wonder what kind of a world we are living in, there is not a single excuse for D&D.

Ridiculously, I have heard the same people (when sober, conversations overheard in local stores etc.) say things like “jees, he should be locked up forever for driving in such a state!” referring to the latest drunken driver that had hit a child and whos death been reported in the local media.
I was going to take registration plate numbers, go home and phone the local police station with them, but then I realised that stopping there at midnight would probably mean, well not nice things. And these days, I have to remember, no matter how much I dislike the thought, that my strenght and ability is not what it used to be. And with an already sprained wrist I would be placing myself at a stupid disadvantage.
Arrrgh, this will bother me all frigging night, who knows who one of those drivers killed on their way home, you’re screwed if you do and screwed if you dont. Never a truer phrase was coined!
b

posted by Barry at 12:52 am  

Monday, July 10, 2006

Isnt it ironic, dontchya think?………


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Slightly funny,

Grabrail bar in bathroom, for using when moving from wheelchair to toilet, when used for said purpose, came off the wall today, sending me crashing down to floor spraining my wrist in the “must avoid clattering head off sink” process.

The gods have a wonderfull sense of humour at times, thanks guys & gals.

b

posted by Barry at 2:07 am  

Monday, July 3, 2006

Wow, its been *that* long?


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Ah well, I did say not to expect daily posts dint I ;)

Besides, I doubt anyone would want to hear me moan on and on about the effects meds are having on me. I know I certainly dont want to hear me moan on and on about it.
Suffice to say, It aint nice, it aint pleasant, and it better work or my doc dies.

Anywhoo………. lets see, whats been happening.
Oh, our insect invasion has stopped, probably because of improvised screens and duct tape along with cans of raid.
Seem to be having a lot of trouble sleeping right now. Even though Im actually going to bed at a reasonable hour, I just cannot sleep. I lie there for hours just thinking about meaningless things and worrying about things that could easilly wait till morning.
Last night for instance, I actually worried for an entire hour about whether or not I had put the butter back in the fridge, not once did it occur to me to actually go and check.
I know, I’m either very lazy or losing my mind.

Damnit, why is it I always sound like Im moaning on this thing?!
Probably coz I am, tis my moanspace if I want it to be after all.

b

posted by Barry at 9:55 pm  

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