On The Slab

Finding My Feet - WWW.SEATLIFE.COM (The new address for this blog!)

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Send in the clowns……watch this space…….


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Wow the days have flown by without me noticing since my last post.
Well, aside from everything I’ve had a lot of things to think about, this blog included, but I’ve decided to just keep being *me* and not tailor to an audience, friends and familly or not, Im not gonna give in an let that influence what I put here. I think when I saw the amount of hits it had got, I got a little shocked, but, If people wanna read it, then thats ok, if it wasnt, I’d be writing in a diary-on paper.
Anyways,……
FIRSTLY!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATHERINE
I hope you had a great one babe, and I’m sending ya a huge huge net-hug )))))))))C(((((((((   ;0)
well, Wednesday, saw me at the circus. Great show. Saw a clown there I remembered from last year, nice guy, what struck me most was how “traditional” he was and how well that worked with an modern audience.

Its interesting when you look into it really, the “art” of “Clowning”,……… some of these guys come from famillies with generations of history in the circus as clowns.
This guy for instance is a 7th generation clown, also a highwire artist and is indeed, a world record holder.

I used to speak on front of lots and lots of groups and audiences. I remember how nerve-wrecking that alone was.

I consider myself VERY lucky I never had to keep them entertained or make the laugh!
I would have died a death in seconds methinks.
Damned hard job made look very easy I would think.
I suppose thats why we never think about it as difficult, it looks so easy, but only if its done properly, one slip-up from a not-so-great clown, and I’d imagine you would immediately see the difficulty involved.
Yesterday, we spent at Dublin Zoo, wonderful day was had by all, Noah got some great photo opp’s and we got to spend the day with those we love. So much fun. :0))
Today, we spent in my mothers with my sister Karen, and eventually my other sister Elaine (Liams mom), the little guy himself, and my father.
Good day, bit tiring but worth it, an god that kids growing fast! Its amazing seeing him now almost walking!!

Anyways, Im gonna go an spend the rest of the night watching cheesy british comedy and drinking coca-cola and eating things I shouldnt (thinks of choc bar smuggled from mothers house in bag) >:o)

posted by Barry at 9:04 pm  

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Its just the nicotine in my veins…..


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So there we were……..
Running around, folded magazines in hand, yelling “I think I saw it there!”…..”Now, is here! *scream“……..

Yes, you guessed it, we had our first large flying insect get into our house of the year.

See, the thing is- Noah, being from warmer climbs etc, is apparently used to having screens over windows that apparently are there for the purpose of keeping insects out.
Here, in Ireland, that is almost an alien concept. Never even seen such a thing for sale!
We just whip out the can of raid or vapona and get chasin.

Problem is, when you have two poofs living together both of whom have an irrational fear of flying insects, what do you do?

You arm yourself with rolled up magazines and make a drama out of a crisis, thats what ya do! ;)

That’ll teach us to run out of fly-spray I spose.

On a related note, when I went to the local store to BUY some fly spray, the conversation went like this with the woman behind the till….

Her: Oh your getting fly spray, god, is it that time of year already?

Me: *mumbling* Bloody things, damn it, we just spent 20 mins chasing this huge fly…..*trailed off*

Her: Do you want cigs today? Only, we are out of XL (my brand)……*laugh* dont worry I kept a pack behind the counter for ‘ya!

Me: Thanks, jeez, ya had me worried there for a sec, and, am I that predictable?. ;)

Her: well, its not as if you have to worry about being bitten by anything, the amount you smoke, one bite of ya an any insect would be stone dead!

hmmpfh!!

posted by Barry at 10:46 pm  

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Planting life…….


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Well, seems its spring, and the rain is slowly becoming less an less,…
went shopping today and must admit it was rather nice weather-wise.

Bought a few plants, I’m determined im gonna use all that space we have to build a really nice garden, Im starting (out of financial necessity more than anything), with planters and pots.
Eventually I intend to have raised beds built from either brick or wood then I can really get growing :)

I’ve always been a big horticulture fan, well, if Im honest, [boast] you name or describe the plant, garden or houseplant, Ill probably know its name, common and botanical and where it comes from, what conditions it likes and how best to grow it lol ;) [/boast] ;)
I started many many moons ago in my early teens with growing Bonsai, and not just the forced indoor decorative ones most garden centers and stores sell, that are usually actually not trees at all, *I* used to grow from seed or collect small trees and start from scratch usually outdoors.

I’d spend so long, trimming, arranging roots, wiring, submerging, spraying, etc etc that many’s a time a day would pass without me even noticing.

Well, maybe its a hobby worth reviving. :)

posted by Barry at 2:20 am  

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

A time for peace………..


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Well,….

Tomorrow, our lil gurl cassie goes to her new home.

Despite all the wailing etc, if i’m honest, I know I am gonna really miss her. I also know, if I’m honest, that I will blame myself and convince myself I “didnt try hard enough”…….

So, I’m writing this now so when I do say that to myself, I’ll see this and remember this moment, I DID try hard enough. I did everything I was capable of doing, I tried every trick in the book to make her happy, she’s just not a dog thats ever gonna be happy with an indoor life.
It makes me furious that the familly who we took her from, kept a little dog like that outside, from the time it was barely 2 months old. FFS, its a born lapdog breed, it dosent take a genius to know its not a dog that can function without human attention!

There, when I hit “publish” this will be there, in print, and Noah has my FULL permission to shove this screen in my face when I start blaming myself.

Anyways, she’s going to a good home in the countryside, where she will have the company of two children and another king charles who will hopefully show her how to “be” the dog she was meant to be.
There truly is nothing worse than seeing a dog who isnt built to be an “outside dog”, try her hardest to be one, because she has been convinced from day one that she should be.
The familly that are taking her however, have lots of land and apparently have a flap in the kitchen so their doggies can either stay inside or take a walk around the rural garden in total safety.

she’ll be fine, happy as a pig in muck, ……me,…….I’ll be fine too, - I’m sure.

*sigh* at least the neighbours can sleep soundly now I spose.

posted by Barry at 11:22 pm  

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Figured it out,……..I think………


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I think its about time I admitted a little somthing,…….
Im a smoker!

I know, horrible, filthy habit etc, and I make no excuses, its somthing I’ve been for 18 years now, and habits that you have that long aint easy to break.

Last year, I gave them up for six months, just like that, one day “no more” and had it not been for the fact that I lived with a smoker who was’nt all that keen on me giving up in the first place, and a particularly silly x-mas gift, I may still be off ‘em.

But I’m not, and really I can blame no-one except myself.
I’m sitting here, and I have every reason in the world to quit, my health, the health of my husband, even for cassie. But no.

One thing I do know, and firmly believe, that “no more” day will come again, hopefully sooner rather than later, but it will come.
I realise now tho’ that for the moment, I should probably stop obsessing about every one I smoke. Im a person who will always do the complete opposite of what I’m told but will hapilly do anything Im asked.

So, maybe I need to stop telling myself.

Speaking of demon-diva-doggie, I have ordered “Dog Training For Dummies” from amazon.com and if it kills me, I’m gonna stop this unbelievable wailing and “digging” before our neighbours go deaf and try to kill us as we sleep.

I even went as far as to check out residential training sessions online, looked great till I looked at their “prices” :EEK:
Prolly just as well tho’ seems to me that even if I *could* afford to send her to “school” for a week, I’d have the medical bills from deaf trainers on my hands. :)
I think I’ll read my “For Dummies” books and become a dog-trainer, it seems to be BIG buisness!.

Tonight, I have my first actual headache of several months iirc, one of those “baloon inflating in frontal lobe” type pounder’s.
I wonder why?
*glances in direction of now snoring pooch* ;)

I love her to bits, but she sure aint the older more sedate doggie we was expectin! ;)

/me rocks back and forth in chair chanting “give it time barry, give it time”.

posted by Barry at 3:42 am  

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Well, I spose its good to be useful……


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Today, I seem to have become a doggie-wedge-table………

Somone has discovered, that it makes it a lot easier to “get a good grip on that darned chew toy” when its wedged in my back wheel,… just wish she would stop forgetting its there  ;)

Damned quiet day, being easter an all pretty much everywhere closes down from fri-tue, so even if ya do have the chocolate-fuled-energy to go anywhere or do anything, ya can’t.

Prolly just as well anyways, my guy, my “better-half” hasnt been feeling himself (f’nar f’nar) this last few days, so rest is best.
I hate seeing him ill like that, all I wanna do is cuddle him an stop the bad things, but i spose, some things have to run their course. Still, not gonna stop me from doing the cuddlin, hell, even the plague wouldnt stop me from doing the cuddlin. :)
Spose I should really be working, its just one of those lazy days when all I can do is smile at how happy I am (all things considered), and grin insanely at the ball of (moulting) fur that is, as I type this, rolling on her back on the floor clutching a rubber burger to her chest, having spent a dizzying 20 mins trying to catch her own tail (and yelping in surprise when she did, over an over an over,….)

They say “lifes a bitch”, well, if thats true then life’s got more oomph than the duracell bunny on speed!

b

posted by Barry at 9:47 pm  

Friday, April 14, 2006

Finding her voice


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Shes discovered she can bark!

*sigh*

Not just a normal bark too, a huge woof!
Somthing so loud  from somthing so small just cant be right.
There is one thing about cassie that seems to rule her life, digging……..everything has to be buried, and boy does she try, she will “dig” in tile for hours to hide somthing- to the point where it has to be taken from her to stop her either hurting her paws or going mad because a hole aint being made.

I spose its somthing to do with her needing to “own” things. Any and all ideas and experiences on dealing with this are more than welcome :)

In the meantime, Im gonna go take posession of a wonderful breakfast :)

b

posted by Barry at 5:49 pm  

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

If heaven is waiting 4 hours for a dog to take a shit, then send me to hell!


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Demon Dog Herself

Ok, it may seem bizarre but………….

There I was, freezing my ass of, for hours, waiting for her to “go potty” outdoors so I could praise her and therby start the whole “Toilet training process” as prescribed by ALL the “experts“.

I sat out there, I tempted, I cajoled, I overfed, I overwatered,…… nothing.
It became like a battle of wills, and boy was she determined.

This is a tiny dog remember, fed twice her normal daily amount, given more excercise and water than a champion sprinter on a hot day.
And will she “go”………….nope, not one drop!!

Now, I dont give up easilly, I finally bring her back inside but, keeping her on the lead.
Every 20 mins, for the next godess knows how long, I bring her outside and beg and plead and cry at her to go, yes, there were almost tears!

Later, I thought, hang on,…………

opened the door, brought her out (into our enclosed garden so she couldnt escape), let her off her lead to run around a bit, …………immediately! As soon as the lead is off.
I was ecstatic, yelling for Noah (and everyone within a 10 mile radius), to “come look!”……..
Since then, not a problem, soon as the lead comes off, there she goes,………….

bloody “experts”!

posted by Barry at 5:27 pm  

Sunday, April 9, 2006

Brown eyes & Land mines….


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Well,……

We have a new arrival in our familly.
It’s a girl, her name is “Cassie”.

She has beaultiful big brown eyes, soft silky hair, a big wet nose, and the most soulful face you have ever seen in your life.

Shes a King Charles spaniel, and anyone who has ever met one knows, once you meet her, you’re hooked. :)

She’s still learning how to fit in, still trying her hardest to make sure we like her, will look after her, keep her safe, allow her to be “herself” in all her insane glory.
All she wants is 24/7 hugs, cuddles, playtime and the odd chew on a toy.
Oh, and not to forget exploring every new thing to commit it to memory like a photo in her lifes album of sounds, pictures, smells, tastes and textures.
Sounds perfect eh?
Well, aside from the odd puddle on the floor and the odd bit of youthful mischief, she is.

Come to think of it, yesterday I spilt some water and tickled Noah,……….

hmmm……..I think I’ll go now for my hugs, cuddles, and maybe even, if I’m lucky, playtime. :P
I think our dog has found us. ;)
b

posted by Barry at 12:46 am  

Saturday, April 1, 2006

Where I went next…


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Two years ago, when I looked back on my life, somtimes it seemed it was pretty much all hurt, despair and intolerable misery.

Looking back on my life now however, Im able again to see there were many many good times after each bad time.

Which can only mean I suppose, that when I go through a bad times, I need to remind myself that the last time I went through a bad time, somthing good, or even great, did happen when I got through the bad.

Things that, at the time, I couldnt ever have even considered being possibilities for me, some of them, became possibilities, some even happened!

There was a point in my life, one inparticular, when I was so hurting, so stunned, so shellshocked, so tired…. and so very very scared, mainly of living, that I thought “this is it, its over, there is no more of anything”… there is no more of me, I’ve lost everything I loved, and I can’t exist without it.
I truly couldnt see a future even being possible for me.

Now, Im living the future I didnt (couldnt) see.

There was no majik path to living through things, no method and lots of madness, it just seems to happen by itself, in a hazy blur at times, but if you let it, it does.

These days,
I can say I’m happy, content, and amazingly, beginning to learn about what life means again.

I miss what I lost, and I know I always will, more deeply than is explainable in words, but Im so happy I have lived what I lived since, and also, found what I have found since. More happiness.

So, all I can say is, to anyone out there who finds themselves suddenly lost, whether in life, love, or yourself,….. there is a future, I’m living proof, and so will you be.
B

)) ((

posted by Barry at 10:53 am  

Saturday, April 1, 2006


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posted by Barry at 10:53 am  

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